When you’re the parent of a child taken so suddenly and brutally, part of your first days is spent going over all the ways it could have happened! In between the shock and sadness, your mind races around looking for answers to the ‘how’ question. You need answers, your heart and mind both ache for some sense to it all. Even your other family members are sharing the same concern, everyone giving their view only knowing a few basic facts. 
Immediately after our loss I wondered where was God in all of this? I can’t share all my thoughts yet, but I always understood God was aware of the situation. I trust Him. He loves Marc so much, and I think the Holy Spirit cried and mourned over Marc’s death. I just submitted to Him regarding Marc, as He’s been so consistently a comfort to me in whatever type of issue I’ve faced. It didn’t occur to me that He was not there thru Marc’s transition.
I never really got into alot of self pity, but losing Marc is still a bitter, bitter pill to swallow. I have no option but to forge a new road in life as I refuse to live in the Land of the Hopeless, where there’s nothing to show for your grief. I’m aware of the trials my family and friends are going thru, of the tremendous struggles in our nation and the world. The world doesn’t revolve around me. I’ve been allowed plenty time to mourn, and had great comfort from others. I know many are not as fortunate to have the support and time to work thru a loss. I am humbled and grateful for the transition going the way it has, for this blog outlet.
My theology hasn’t crumbled thru this. I used to pray the blood of Jesus protection over my sons every day, and that’s the one thing that’s been questioned. When you get thru the ‘how’ question and get to the ‘why’ one …. my basic answer right now is …. Marc stepped outside the protective covering of God that night for awhile. God has wonderful protection, even angels for us, but if we cross the line and risk leaving that ‘safety’ net, He can’t always save us. He does His part, and we have to do ‘our’ part, I believe.
God ‘allows’ the enemy to attack us, but besides His healing comfort He actually shows us how to create a blessing where there was none before. In a real way Marc is now closer to me than ever.
I continue to pray for my other son and his family. We need to remind our loved ones of the dangers in this world as well as tell them to go out there and be who you want to be.