I don’t know about other parents but I wanted to get to the bottom of my sons murder case from the very beginning. I just had to find out the ‘truth’. Nothing on earth would have kept me from asking questions of the Victim Advocate assigned to us, or calling and writing to the D.A. I needed to understand what happened, who was responsible, how the penalty phase worked! The big three.
I wasn’t sure how to go about things but I followed my gut instinct and certain experiences in life in an effort to honor Marc, to be his stand-in while we waiting for the court procedures. In a way I thought Marc would be so anxious to speak with the boys. I felt his anger of injustice done to him and like he’d sorta want to say to the defendants, ‘hey, Christian or not, why the hell did you have do such a horrible thing to me!?’
As I look back I realize I instinctively wanted to clear up things so I could live with my conscience the rest of my life. Who wants to live with nightmares, regrets or false ideas about their child’s case plaguing them for years? No one wants to have family nagging into ‘eternity’ about a certain aspect of the case, or friends looking at you wondring why you didn’t do this or that.
Parents have this need to settle things in their soul. The grieving side of this ordeal has it’s own life in my daily schedule. Now the case is basically settled in my heart. It started out so horrific but ended on such a high note, if you can call it that. I was thrilled we had the right guys, I’ll never forget the euphoria I had when I got word from the Detective that the last, main suspect was caught! I was on cloud nine for awhile! It was like Christmas came early!
How could I go on in life without this peace of mind? I don’t know how other parents can live with those things never taken care of. I thank God for how Marc got his day in court, so to speak. From the beginning I wanted justice as much as I wanted food …. I needed it like I needed sanity! I sought it day and night! Many prayed but I made sure I asked the right intercessors to pray for justice and mercy! Now I’m living in that blessed answer, God is good! The waiting and struggle were worth it!
Many parents want the best for their children, like me. The military never leaves a soldier to the enemy. The NTSA sifts thru debris from a plane crash with infinite precision. God cares about every hair on our head. In Marc’s case I only wanted the right people caught and the right price to be paid. But I got so much more! My son (and the Detectives, defendants) bequeathed me a whole new outlook on life!
It’s great to get the case over with but it’s never a ‘fix’ for the pain, or the end of the crime. A crime and a case are two separate things, they have different shelf lives. A crime takes but it also gives. Look for it!
A crime can drive a wedge between people or unite relatives and strangers like nothing else. Life and death have that power over people. Even the defendants are under the influence of Marc’s death, their lives have been irrevocably changed. I continue to pray that they have learned and are changed forever for the good. All of us affected by the crime can either go on or sit back and be bitter. You can’t stay static!
I don’t believe God just stops caring about a person simply cause he or she passed on. Marc had a purpose in life that was cut short and the need to make his life continue to count never wanes in me. There’s always good surprises on my adventure with him, making me happy to carry his memory on. I have a cross to bear the rest of my life, as I’m still very angry he was taken. My last trip to PDX helped me close down fears from the past and clear the path for ‘going forward’!
“I will extend peace to her like a river.” Isaiah 66:12