All thru this loss of Marc I’ve wondered what to share. I’ve observed the ways others handled their grief. In the past few years I’ve watched ‘Dateline’ or ’48 Hours’ on TV and noticed how people deal with their loved ones being murdered. I’ve seen deep anguish, outrage and silent suffering. I’ve watched Christians on TV share about their losses.
I’ve seen people make horrendous financial judgements during mourning, make a drastic mistake by moving to a new location to start fresh or seek desperate romantic partners with a horrid outcome. This whole experience with Marc could have been my un-doing if I’d not been careful.
There’s a cycle you go thru with a loved ones death, and in the case of violence or murder, there’s another realm you have to deal with. Suddenly you’ve got these total strangers in your life and you’ve got this strange new tie to them. Defendants, D.A’s, Detectives, victim advocates.
I think some people think its not possible to have any say-so in court or with any defendant, or they feel it’s too painful to get involved. But the more you can deal with the deep anguish or anger you feel, the quicker you get some sense of balance. Facing pain is liberating to so many people, and everyone involved need to hear this. To stay quiet is wrong when you can heal by speaking up.
A couple people have written me about closure, justice …. and while I appreciate a note or email, it’s like they are writing some impersonal slogan, not anything from their heart. They don’t quote anything from the Word of God, they don’t relate anything to their own feelings or the facts of my situation or Marc’s case! I get the feeling they don’t like my ‘feelings’, and they have to reason them away. Just because I mourn it doesn’t mean something is wrong with me. Just because I grieve doesn’t mean I don’t have a normal life of joy and purpose in many ways, so I should hurry and forget my son.
You can have peace in your heart about where your loved one is, but still want justice in the courts. You can feel great sorrow but still want to carry on a loved ones legacy. Those things don’t contradict each other. This modern world is so afraid to deal with death or pain. But ignoring our emotions or the intellects ‘need to know’ and assess, just compounds suffering. Our Creator gave us the ability to have victory over death, but if we won’t admit to our suffering, how can we be healed? We just keep the cycle of fear alive if we aren’t real!