One of the most astounding things to come from my sons murder case has been the letters between the main defendant, Andrew, and I. From the day I heard the terrible news of Marc, I knew inside that my son’s life would not be in vain. I spoke to him in heaven and told him, ‘Marc, it’s not over!’
I didn’t really know what I was saying but it seemed right. Even tho I was to go thru a parents worst nightmare I started hearing of people being blessed or changed because of the blog or Marc’s legacy thru others. And after I heard Andrew’s statement to the court and me at his sentencing, that he’d been changed because of Marc, I felt I should write so he knew I’d truly forgiven him.
To backtrack a little, when the suspects were caught, for some reason I started fearing that Andrew, or the other boys, may feel ‘suicidal’. I was so terrified that this whole tragic scenario may end up being even sadder! I went so far as to write the lead detective and later Andrew’s attorney, to please do what they could to tell jailers to watch out for any suicidal behavior. I didn’t know how alert Portland Police were to those things, but I had to try to ‘save a life’.
I understood how young guys who are trying to be good can get involved with things way over their heads if they don’t have the guidance they need. I knew that if one of my sons had murdered someone they might be scared and overwhelmed with guilt, and may feel driven to try to hurt themselves or end their life. The thought of suicide scared the living daylights outta me, I never told anyone except the detective and attorney. Little did I know that Andrew’s life was beginning to turn around in jail. I was so adamant in my spirit about there not being another drop of blood shed that was associated with this crime! I knew that was God’s wish …. and Marc’s, that there should be no more destruction. Many prayed for the defendants.
I’ll never forget the whoosh of the door opening on the day of the Dec., ’14, Bail Hearing, and in walks this husky guard bringing a young man in clanging chains down the aisle! You don’t know what to think, how to fee,’ when you see your child’s killer for the first time. I sobbed for awhile and clinched my fists, downward, to myself, more out of anger towards the devil and pain for Andrew, than out of anger for the crime. I thought to myself as I watched Andrew walk past me, ‘This is the person who murdered him? There’s a mistake or something here?!’
I never felt anger towards him but saw a quiet young man so alone …. not a rebel or contemptuous guy …. no record, never a desire to hurt anyone I found out later. I thought he looked like he could have been the type of guy who’d come over to our house and play down at the creek with my sons when they were young, (he had a short jail hair cut at the hearing.). I didn’t know how to convey my hunches to anyone, I didn’t know who’d believe me, or if I was seeing things right? I was still so sad and missing Marc badly.
When Andrew’s sentencing was over in June ’15, I wrote him and was totally stunned when he responded with the most wonderful one page letter. I found out he was this really normal, nice person! I was sooo relieved by his attitude of taking responsibility for the crime, I felt less scared for his life. He told me again how sad he was about the incident, and said he was ‘glad’ he’d been caught as he was living in a bad life style … and that made a huge impact on me. He shared that the Bible verse I sent him was the exact one his mom and another jail mate had given him, just coincidences that were so amazing.
Perhaps most important, he was deeply grateful I forgave him. I was surprised for the outcome too cause I’m one of those who enjoys watching horrible liars, murderers on TV get what’s due them. I like justice being served but this was a different case too, one of tragedy all around, so I was amazed at how powerful my act of writing was! I didn’t know if I should write him but it confirmed to me that Marc indeed had a legacy. He and Wesley have been two of the biggest surprises of my life!
I’m so glad I let my anger towards the defendants go and let justice fill the space! I’m still very angry Marc is gone from earth, but that rage is directed at the devil. I can live with my mind set right and go to sleep at night with a good conscience.
I’ll share more about Andrew’s letters later on, but want to give this link again of Andrew’s sentencing, 6/15:
http://koin.com/2015/06/03/remorceful-marc-sundin-stabber-sentenced-to-10-years/