Some things seem so private or too harsh to share. I’m still dealing with pain so deep or pervasive that I ‘don’t wish to go there’. I’m still trying to wrap my head around what kind of life is going on with the defendants as well.
Even though Marc’s case is technically solved, it’s still going on! You don’t just wrap up the interviews, sentencing and that’s that! I’ve been so amazed by what’s going on after the case, and it could only continue like it is cause of Marc being who he was/is, and the defendants being who they are. If the defendants were career criminals, not concerned about life or death, there’d be no discourse between us. I could never have lot of healing with men who gloated over the crime, etc. I’d never be able to communicate or visit with them like I have with the defendants of Marc’s case . No calls, letters, FB messages.
The boys in Marc’s case are guys with a conscience, and I just marvel at how they’ve been so remorseful and pained over the incident. It just means so much to know that, I don’t exactly understand why. I’m glad for my sake and also that their lives won’t need to be ruined over this, God doesn’t want this to end up hopeless.
The boys are so respectful to me too. They appreciate not just the forgiveness but the concern I have with them, I think. Wesley often tells me thanks or ‘I appreciate that’. It was awkward at first because I guess we didn’t know how to have a conversation or relationship. They must have felt fear or shame or maybe felt I’d be hateful or whatever, but I’m so humbled by the whole incident and their agreeing to knowing me.
We have about the hardest pain to endure together but they are troupers. When I deal with them there’s no denying there’s an’elephant’ in the room …. the ‘crime’. Sometimes I’ll allude to something that naturally touches on the incident or Marc and there’s pause, a heaviness in the air, but a brave yet pained response back to me. It means alot that they are trying to be strong about all this. I don’t want them beating themselves up over the crime. I can go on if they continue like that.
When you’re associated with a murder there’s all this baggage with extended family, the community. All of us have to deal with what our family thinks about a crime like that. People are quiet around you, shun you. Some are hurt or angry at you …. there’s various attitudes that can scar you for life because of what happened to Marc! I’m going thru it, the boys are too. Murder has so many relatives!
But God is so faithful, He’s much stronger than the physical death we suffer here. He’s stronger than fear or shame. He speaks beyond the grave if we only open our eyes. He’ll continue to work in this!! All of this has brought out the best in us, the best in Him!! What was intended for evil I believe will bring good for those who care to open their hearts to this case, and it’s legacy. I’m so glad the boys get the chance to have Marc and I in their life over some victims family who’d condemn them.