When your child is murdered, it’s good if you can separate your feelings from the facts. Not everyone deals with the subject of murder well or in the same way…. some cower out of fear of death, some fear dealing with their own demons …. there are various reasons for confusion or staying stuck in tragedy.
The only way this blog can make it in the long run is for me to be real about the subject of murder from the vantage point not just of a grieving family member but from the vantage point of the victim and defendants, the etymology of a crime. So this case can mean something for others in the community.
In my commitment to Marc, I’ve wanted to be informative to people. Marc wouldn’t want me to use this blog, his passing to make a statement other than the circumstances warranted. I won’t stoop so low that I’ll embellish or make up facts, or withhold or dumb down critical info. I haven’t wished to tell half truths just to make people like me or to make some aspect of the case not so distasteful. I don’t wish to perpetuate either a fear of death or a fear of living life in openness.
Murder is the most gut wrenching thing but it is something a loved one can deal with if it’s done in truth. Also, something positive can be accomplished after murder, if you let the people involved express their real feelings without reservation. Giving your grief a purposeful outlet is the only way I and others can make our grief make sense. Finding out a deeper purpose for loss surrounding murder can show us what people are really like better than some movie or novel.
On my last trip to Portland I was so glad I could speak with the Commander of the Detective Division that handled Marc’s case. He reacted to a statement in my email to him and confirmed my hunches. I haven’t heard anyone say what he did, and it’s helped me re: my dealing with the defendants. He said something like, ‘some murders are truly tragic as the youth involved get caught up in something way over their capacity to comprehend.’ That’s such a good description of what happened in Marc’s homicide!
I also saw the lesser defendant on my last trip, and it just boggles my mind to see the effects of murder on a persons life. Even tho he didn’t use a weapon against Marc, the pain of being even slightly involved in another’s death has left a deep mark on him. And it comforts me to know he’s aware of how terrible the situation was, and is dealing with his suffering in a manly way. I do feel bad he’s been victimized himself, W—–‘s gone thru some tough times before the crime, and since the crime! He’s really scrambling to make sense of it all.
Just because a crime was solved doesn’t mean it’s over! Our family hurts, the defendants and their families hurt …. even the detectives know it was a tragedy. This was not one of those times where people were criminal types, defending their behavior or proud they did it.
I’m Marc’s spokesperson in this. He loved law and order, good government and he’d want to keep the fight going for clarity about his case so we all can continue to go forward in truth.