It Never Stops, My Son

I missed you so much tonight, sweetheart!

I just stopped for a moment and started to go into a trance or something …. I couldn’t understand why you can’t come back and visit me!! Why can’t you come in the door, or chat with me while I fix dinner?

When I’m at the gym I sometimes think I see you. Other young men sometimes have traits similar to you and it stirs a longing to see you again.

I’ll be driving down the street and once in awhile see someone biking on the road and I start to smile and want to say, ‘Oh, he looks like Marc’, then I dip way down inside thinking of you!

I might be watching something on TV and I turn to you in heaven and say, ‘Marc, isn’t that funny’, or, ‘Marc, come down and listen to this music with me!’

I might see people lost in conversation and remember almost groaning …. ‘That’s how it was with Marc’. I look at your things around my house that are now mine, and sometimes cry out in bitterness for a moment cause I miss your style, your love for certain things in life that helped fill your cup. My cup.

The deep longing for you usually happens at night and if it’s unbearable I ask you to gimme a hug and …. you always do!

Blessed are those who love, care, and mourn for they will be comforted! (Mt 5:4)

I love being able to talk to you in heaven! Life would be unbearable if I didn’t have that access to you!  All would be ‘hell’ on earth without that free flowing access.

Even tho you’re gone because of a horrendous tragedy, I would never have wanted to miss having your love! I would go the mile with you again just to have known and loved you! Our lives are apart now but the loving never stops, as we’re on a journey in this life with a message I didn’t have before.

Mourning has a way of demanding our attention, of speaking a word about life. Some people have kept their mourning inside for years! But mourning has secrets that enrich our lives if we’d only listen and not fear. In this crazy, sometimes cynical world we live in, we could bring more joy to our relationships if we allowed ourselves to remember loss, make our peace with death instead of fearing our emotional connection to others both here and gone on.

Psalm 27:13-14  – 

I would have despaired unless I had believed that

   I would see the goodness of the LORD 

      In the land of the living.

      Wait for the LORD;
            Be strong and let your heart take courage;
            Yes, wait for the LORD.

(American Standard)