My Speech At Sentencing – June 3, 2015

(I attended the sentencing for the main defendant in Portland. Marc’s brother, dad and couple friends ‘attended’ via conference call. Most of this is what I prepared, (a bit here is hindsight), but it didn’t all come out this way as there was so much emotion and crying on the part of the defendant and I. FYI, there’s a lot less drama in a sentencing like Andrew’s cause he plead guilty beforehand. That means we didn’t go to trial, which would have been so painful as well as having a certain element of risk. (Andrew’s Bail Hearing was so gruesome, much of it I spent with my eyes closed, ears plugged.)  It was very gratifying to know that in Oregon the victims family is consulted re: the sentence of a murderer …. so I knew beforehand the length of prison for Andrew. )

To the Court:

“I was so intent on coming here and making sure Marc was represented and got the justice he deserved, but for 2 weeks prior I dreaded making the trip! I couldn’t ‘will’ myself to get prepared. I was wracked by physical pain. I used to feel so anxious about finding the suspects, having an honest, solid case so there would be no regrets at all!  But now ….. all the intensity seems to have evaporated! The whole meaning to all this still baffles me. I’m so NOT all mad, or hateful towards Andrew! I’m not understanding what’s going on! I thought I’d be full of vengeance!”‘

“I never dreamed I’d ever have to be in this kind of situation. I know we’re here basically for the defendant but it seems so conspicuous to me that the person the crime was committed against isn’t here to speak up! If this crime was about a robbery or car jacking then Marc would be here to speak for himself! But he can’t be here so I feel I have to speak. This is his last say so in public!”

‘I understand enough what happened that night …. but I so wish Marc could be here so he could participate in his own life event! It seems to me his blood cries out to be heard so you could hear the depth of his love of life and his anguish over this terrible incident! Here’s a sample of his personality, how he was with others …  ” (play tape)

(Click below for video of sentencing) –

http://koin.com/2015/06/03/remorceful-marc-sundin-stabber-sentenced-to-10-years/

“Just as his voice declares, Marc was an authentic person. This voice mail shows his normal love towards me, his duty with his dad. He wasn’t the usual victim who had no purpose to live or who had evil intent! Marc was fun and funny just to hang out with! He was interested in so many things … history, politics, nutrition, out of doors, biking, music. He was a drummer in a heavy metal band in his early twenties, a trained chef, among other things. He read widely and wanted to eventually end up writing. He had a natural flare for the artistic side of life, but with a down to earth touch, and I just loved that side of him. Marc loved ‘nice things’ just as much as anyone but he so rejected that success-driven attitude.”

“Probably most importantly Marc and I could have talks about family, God and how the individual in society can shape his own destiny with God’s help apart from the madness going on around us. It aggravated him deeply that society was losing strong codes of ethics and he read books, subscribed to newsletters and donated or worked for causes or ministries that promoted vigilance in our daily walk with God and national affairs. He took responsibility for his life, he didn’t blame the government, a boss or others for his problems.”

“”I admired Marc as he didn’t live for himself alone but had that balance in life that’s so rare.  A lot of people walk around in some nebulous world of self—centered deception or cultural do’s and don’ts .. but not Marc. He was his own quiet man of peace and purpose, and that’s what I loved about him. He had I think the perfect balance between looking out for oneself and loving others. I’m eternally grateful for the chance to be the mom of such a wonderful person who I considered my best friend as well!”

To Andrew,

“I really don’t know exactly what happened last October 16. Marc was a ‘space-maker’. He abhorred violence and would never go around people he thought gave off a violent vibe. The attack on him was like someone tried to kill me too. That’s what murder does …. it affects the whole family. For months I felt a sense of fear being in a public space! I still have PTSD at times.’

“I’m so sorry for any confusion and pain Marc may have caused that night, that is one of the hardest things to bear in this ordeal. He would have thought the altercation was so stupid, senseless and so against his conscience, his dreams! Such a tragedy for the city of Portland to have to go thru all this!”

‘I’m sorry, but I’m glad you and Wesley were caught. It gives us all a sense of peace and justice about losing our precious son, and lets the people of Portland know their police and courts are keeping them safe.”

“I want to give you a gift and also a warning. I don’t know a thing about your heart or mind, but your actions against Marc’s life will not be the final say about him. God placed Marc in this life for a purpose, and as I told him in heaven on the night he was killed, ‘Marc, it’s not over. I’m going on this adventure with you. Your mom is standing by your side. We have a legacy to walk out.” The love and goodness in that guy’s heart for self, God and others is a blessing to me even now …. Marc has a purpose that no one can kill or stop!”

“Marc and I talked about a lot of things, and he’s told me at least twice in his life not to feel bad for him if he died before me, that he knew where he was going. And when I saw him lying in that casket thing at the Mortuary, I didn’t think I could take it. But when I got close I saw that little smile on his face he gets when life is going his way! I could just hear him say, “Mom, I’m okay, don’t worry about me, everything’s alright!’ Angels from heaven were in that room, he just glowed. I was so comforted, confirmed in knowing that Marc was at peace not only with what happened but where he is now. You killed a body but Marc’s personality lives on. It’s not just a nice sentiment but a genuine reality to us. People can’t kill love!”

“While we’re still deeply grieved by what happened to Marc, we don’t hate you as a family. You’re a very young man but you can go to sleep at night and not worry about us. Marc is not hating you either. He wasn’t that kind of guy. He’s glad someone is paying the price as that’s the way he lived, he required justice, I know that’s why you were caught. God loved him so much, and He loves you, so justice has to be prevail! It’s for everyone’s good that justice wins! Marc’s not without forgiveness towards you. So, please, take our gift of forgiveness so you don’t end up bitter, hard-hearted.”

“I’m pretty sure Marc would finalize by telling you something like this …. ‘Andrew, you can do this prison thing! I know this is not how your life should end up, I understand you didn’t truly mean to hurt me. Brother, spend some time learning about yourself and what you really want out of life. Reach out for people who really want to walk you into God’s love. Get more education, turn your life around. It may seem like a long road to travel in prison, but please don’t dwell on how bad off you are, remember what I lost! Don’t feel sorry for yourself, you have a second chance, so please take it!”

My friend Rob Reed’s song:  ‘Saved By You”