Since my son was murdered I’ve had alot of time to read and reflect on the ties between violence, depression and suicide among men … young or older.
There are mounting news stories of stars, celebrities killing themselves. Something is so wrong here! People with supposedly everything to live for are taking their own lives. Last week former Patriots TE Aaron Hernandez hung himself in a Boston prison, we understand his death somewhat. But Robin Williams hanging himself was extremely demoralizing to our cultural image of the happy, carefree celebrity life! Williams wrote how he’d been depressed about things like losing his creative ability. I’m sure Hernandez must have suffered from depression as well.
I’m always interested in personal stories of people who’ve triumphed over depression, childhood obstacles. I’m not so interested in what makes a person depressed, but what helps them get out of their emotional rut. I’ve had my own brushes with depression, many people have, so I’ve ‘taken notes’ on recovery mechanisms all my life.
At the sentencing of A—–, the main defendant in Marc’s case, his attorney mentioned he’d been depressed as a teen, and had used heroin to self medicate …. even though he was an ‘A’ student. I think it was the D.A. who said that A—– said after being arrested ….’there goes my dreams!’ So, even thru his depression he was feeling the desire for life!
But some out there are missing something in their life, and they self medicate to ease the pain. I feel so grieved for the men and women who are growing up in a society where this is their main option! I was so appalled to find out how much heroin is widely used among the drug set these days. I watch the Justice Network channel at times and listen to the rationale of the users. We hear of overdoses partly cause people are using these extremely dangerous or huge doses and aren’t content just using weed now and then. I can’t close my eyes to this epidemic under our noses …. and it’s affected a few of my younger relatives ….. but no one hardly talks about it. So I am.
I knew in my teens that a therapist would help, I understood there were relational problems in my family. It’s a super sad phenomenon these days to see people go the drug route and not the ‘people’ or ‘God’ route to bring inner peace!
All this sadness begs some relief …. and that’s where the story of the Pirates David Freese comes in!
David battled with lifelong depression. Okay, there’s morbid depression which makes one incapable of having a normal life. And there’s temporary depression due to say a job loss or divorce. Then there’s high functioning chronic depression that big achievers live out.
David (and I’m imagining A—–), had depression every day of his life …. even while he was a famous baseball player and won the World Series for the Cardinals in ’11 ! He should have been basking in glory but instead was tormented. He said he was a hero in a city that loved the Cardinals but it was like the last person he wanted to be! He started building a ‘facade’, trying to be this person he wasn’t.
In his hometown there were people hanging around all the time, and being a ‘people pleaser’, he said, “I wasn’t good at saying ‘no’ and it just worsened my depression to the point I didn’t want to get out of bed some days!” His way of dealing with pain was to use alcohol, but his deepening depression & 3 DUI’s made the Cardinal manager decide to tearfully let him go! He saw the path David was going down. Instead of spiraling out of control, David got traded to the Angels which was a god-send, as it helped him get out of the environment that held him hostage.
Fast forward ….. because he ‘always wanted to change, get over my issues’, he kept some sanity in life. His life took a big step up when he met the woman who was to be his wife and he soon after got into counseling. When a game doesn’t go well now he doesn’t need to ‘sulk’ with booze. Many things are going better for him and he’s a role model for the Pirates younger guys.
That’s a true turn-around! He said he used to get ‘stuck in the mud. You just don’t know where to go.’ But now he’s not captive to a life of needing to please, or having to be this super hero!
My friend Rob Reed likes stats on sports teams, players. He recently shared a video of him and his son opening new stacks of baseball cards. Stats can be really interesting, you can learn certain things in life from them. I like stats at times. There are stats for cooking, music or Bible knowledge. There are stats re: God’s numbers, God’s names, etc. But stats aren’t the full picture of life. Personal sharing between people who respect each other is the real glue that holds families and cultures together. Makes them last. Not how great you are compared to someone, or how much you have.
The American syndrome of needing to be successful at all costs has probably hurt men and women more than helped them! We all need to be ‘fulfilled’ rather than ‘successful’. Being fulfilled may take longer to achieve but those late bloomers many times will live longer and really enjoy the fruit of their endeavors.
David said, ‘I know I had the alcohol issues in the past, but you come to realize it’s a lot deeper than that. It’s depression and anxiety issues. I had to attack the way I was thinking, I retrained my brain by being around my wife and getting help. The foggy feeling I always had is now lifted. It’s brought more energy to my life, my career … everything.’
We all deal with fogginess at times, and there’s a way out!
Source: Bob Nightengale, MLB Columnist for USA Today