It’s That Time Of Year Again

(To the many Mothers and Fathers missing their children!)

This is not a post seeking ‘pity’ but …. I always appreciate your condolences! Sometime in the month of September the ‘heaviness’ starts to hit me once again. Seems like my limbs are full of lead. It’s Fall, it’s the time for Marc’s birthday and then the anniversary of Marc’s trip to heaven for the last time, on my birthday! It seems so abhorant to stop the life long practice of celebrating birthdays in the Fall, and replacing the habit with pain, reflection. I have to consciously make it a point till it becomes routine. Oh, but it hurts!

Bitterness wants to creep in with the clout of a demon. America is coming off the tragedies of Harvey, Irma & Maria. Homes were battered, trees and sidewalks upended, and I’m being turned upside down by my loss …. but still, God is good! The grunge wants to steal my joy, but I’m resolute in standing for purpose out of all this! God’s not letting me do that.

We were created with deep emotional needs! We are made to react strongly to loss of love! Our hearts cry out for restoration of the good that has been ripped from our lives! A family …. a nation …. if broken, must mourn! Remember the past! We shouldn’t …. refuse to mourn!  A person can get severe physical and emotional maladies from holding grief in.

Our dear ones gave us so much love and we feel right inside giving back remembrance! We rejoice for having known them, our hearts are full of love and gratitude …. we don’t want to forget them! Even if there’s pain in remembering certain details it’s worth it to remember. The world is not going to end …. even tho we may wonder, ‘how will I muster the strength to go thru this, I just wanna drop to the floor again!?’

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the low times! I relish remembering Marc’s face, his wonderful ways, his love of God and life. I can’t express how much I get in return for carrying the burden of his loss and sharing with others that God is real! The moment I ‘forget’ Marc is the moment my life ends too!

I’m really OKAY when I grieve! We who have traveled the road of no fear in the face of death are ‘victorious’! Gone are the crazy ways we used to plan our lives. I’m in pain at certain times more than others, and it does feel crippling at times, but death doesn’t have the sting it once did! I took that power back from the devil.

I’m not to be pitied. If you only knew how blessed a mom I was to have such an incredible friend and son in Marc, you’d rejoice in his life and urge me on! The crazy thing is, ‘I never feel far from him, I always feel him close by. I talk to him every day.’

The bond of love between people is not broken by physical death! It’s one of the most creative forces on earth. God’s plans are not reckless but purposeful, no matter what happens to us or our loved ones!

In Matthew 5 it says: ‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted’, and I have really been comforted –

 

“DOES ISAAC LIVE?”

On the way to see my brother, when they said that in his illness he is crushed and low

A messenger of evil tidings stood in my path and was silent.

Whereupon I spoke to him: “Tell me, why are you still.

Does Isaac live?” He answered: “He is already dead.”

I replied: “Silence, may dust fill your mouth!

May you be notified of every distress and affliction and may your father and mother be bereaved over you!

Did I not bring a physician who healed many others like him and sustained them from sickness?

How can he die, the great one of his age, accepted of the multitude of his brethren and seeking the welfare of your people,

Perhaps he sleeps?” He replied: “Will he awake be he prince or pauper who has fallen ill and died?”