“Blessed is he who’s not offended.”
I can never get used to Marc being gone! On one hand I’m a good girl and am listening to God’s voice to continue on with life. I’m not always sad or crying when I meet people during the day like I used to be. My mind is being challenged since I have a blog, work and a focus, but just like that ….. I can remember Marc and feel the anger, bitterness or the uncontrolled pain of loss. It just stops me in my tracks!
One of my High School friends wanted to see me at a class reunion few months back, but I just couldn’t make it over. Even tho he and I are good email friends, I’m not close with the others who attended and it’s hard to sit silent around those who’re chatting about their kids/grandkids most of the time. The pain is still too recent, and I can’t be part of some groups, when I recently lived thru a horrific tragedy. I just don’t want to get into situations where I’ll not fit in. Some family or other groups I belong to aren’t that personal and don’t ask how I’m doing since the homicide or anything important. I just want to be where there’s love, support for anyone with PTSD.
It’s hard reading some other bloggers, I don’t relate to their lives many times. They share about their diets, childs new glasses, a little tidbit about God. Marc and I lived on a balanced level, and ever since he left I’ve just decided somehow … ‘no more self-centered, trite Christian living here!’ I live in an area where we had a serious gas leak, that’s worth sharing but I don’t hear much from people. Only from the TV coverage. I want to hear more Christians share real life. I want to read what’s going on in their lives …. not in their minds only. What they value, their faith walk as it relates to the issues we all face in this country. I know we don’t all have perfect lives, we all have deep concerns. Bloggers should address those things.
Ghandi stated that one of the strongest emotions is controlled anger. I take it as …. some of the most noble fights in life are fought with anger under control, not anger unleashed, ( like we find alot today). To me, controlled anger brings a sense of destiny to ones life! We all have that secret buried in us for some reason but we usually don’t focus it to do good.
That’s how I see this blog ….. riding off a wave of anger for Marc being taken too early and at our culture for being so insensitive towards real life values! Riding on a wave of anger at how the defendants for a brief moment were brought into something they never wished to be a part of ….. society failed them too.