One of the hard lessons about having your child go ahead of you in death is that most people don’t care about your “pain”!
When my son was murdered I had justice on my mind constantly. I felt like a warrior with a mission to slay an enemy. The problem was, no one at the store, bank or mall had the slightest idea what was deeply concerning me. No one knew my private journey. Many neighbors or co-workers were so focused on their own needs they couldn’t slow down and remember how bad I might be hurting. And to make it worse, some customer service reps acted like my worst enemy, my A/C would break down and the neighbors were noisy and keep me up …. all on the same day! Wha, wha, wha …..
After your child dies there’s a point where you have to go it alone. You have to dig deep inside and ask questions. Since many, even close contacts, will shun you cause they can’t deal with violence, you learn to either wither away or fight back for sanity. People will stop and console you if your dog died, your grandma passed on …. or your child died from a drunk driver …. everyone hates it when drunk drivers kill someone. But talk about a violent death and people many times clam up, it’s too personal or scary.
When your child leaves earth before you, you may feel everything is conspiring against you, but let me tell you …. you gotta hold on tight and just press into God even more! You may weep bitter tears about the wrong done… you have a right to feel hurt. You might complain about the lack of compassion, or the coldness of people but know this …. the blame game is a sign of “no return”. That’s a bottomless pit that clamors for your soul …. you don’t want to go there!
Instead of moaning around, be glad your new insight into life and death helps keep you from phony people, meaningless living! You’ve experienced almost the worst pain possible and you know what’s real and what’s not. Most people are going thru life in states of anxiety, confusion or meaninglessness. People are so involved with totally stupid things that don’t matter …. and they never know true love or what life’s about. If you make it thru the fear of facing murder or death head on then you’ve graduated into the big leagues of life because you live in a new sense of freedom that money can’t buy. The grim reaper was out for you but ….. you won! The status quo will never satisfy what you really need!
It was great finding out I could step away from the status quo I’d once thot was the only way life could be lived. You have choice in life, and even going into the unknown at times would be ‘okay’. I’d just fought a ‘giant’ and ended up being jarred by ‘reality’, not defeat. I actually found more love than I could contain it seemed. God didn’t forsake me.
The harsh truth is people in general won’t envy you, but you’ll get used to it. They may wince when they see you coming down the hall, but what’s left in life makes you feel like you’re a prize fighter who just won! If your child dies from murder you may be shunned by family or friends. People may say things to you that will feel like a bullet ran thru you, it’s so wrong, so off. But no one can take away your invincability. You’re not responsibly for making people like you. cause you remind people of their mortality, their own family problems, or criminals. There are
It’s up to you. Family and friends will help you only so far. They can’t follow you around in the shower, your drive to work, your dreams. You are the owner of your emotions and your mind.
Many new choices will be presented to you, and you may be shocked by them and think you’re dreaming or you’re not that kind of person to have those thoughts. You may find yourself having new dreams of hope that you never knew were inside you! If you can accept your pain and not run from it, you will discover your personal worth in life more deeply than you ever thought possible. Breaking free from despair or hopelessness is within your reach …. it’s a free gift. You don’t have to have money or know the right people to find it …. you just seek with all your heart!