Last year my Christmas wish from God was that the main defendant not get bail …. and he didn’t! Even tho being in court with him was extremely painful during Christmas week …. I spent that Christmas content with God’s gift.
This year I spent awhile up in Portland for Christmas. Sometimes in life I want things to get moving along, I think I get so full of my ‘desiring’ something that I forget God likes to remind me He’s been caring about Marc’s case all along! One afternoon soon after I arrived I just crumbled and wept briefly …. ‘God, all I want for Christmas is to talk with Wesley’, (the lesser charged defendant) …… and the next night he called! I came to Portland for several reasons, one being to hopefully talk with or meet with him …. in my wildest dreams I never imagined he’d be so talkative about his life and the case so openly!
I knew I could have been wasting my time going up to PDX. I’d feared ….’ What if he brushes me off, is crude or mean to me or Marc’s memory, can I take the insult?’ But I just needed to pursue contacting him! I knew a little about him from the conference call at his sentencing but I needed to follow the guys thru the penalty phase as my commitment to Marc. I’m not an angry, vengeful parent/citizen but an exacting, yet merciful one. My heart and soul need to know there’s a good accounting for the crime! And there were hunches I had about the defendants that I had to follow thru on.
There’s only so much I can say or do re: the case now, but a parent constantly wonders about certain details until they are cleared up or satisfied …. like HOW COULD THE INCIDENT HAVE HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE?! I’ve gone over and over what caused the guys to start talking, I heard Marc may have engaged them in conversation first. I thought about how Marc must have seen Wesley in the 7-11 and had a hunch he was a ‘safe’ person. I needed to understand the ‘intentions’ of the defendants, I know I understand how Marc works. The intentions of peoples hearts are very important to me.
I feel so gratified about my visit even tho it’s not fun living out of a suitcase. I got to visit with a number of people from the case …. I felt so welcomed, embraced. I’ve been so humbled thru all this, so glad for the way people accept me. Many times on this journey I just proceed without really knowing what the outcome will be, but it’s so evident that God has a say on this path I travel.
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go: I will guide you with My eye. Psalm 32:8