I watched most of Nancy Reagan’s funeral on TV last Friday. It took place at the Reagan Museum which overlooks a quiet valley in a city near my home. It was her personal wish to have the service simple, yet it was dignified enough for a head of states wife, I thought.
It’s interesting how people describe others in final tributes. In newspaper obit’s a person’s family and career are briefly described. At a funeral we usually profess our love for the deceased, & share our personal experiences with them. We often hear the pastor share about our loved one’s life journey, their faith walk and sometimes struggles. The principle way Nancy was remembered was that she was ‘Ronnie’s’ wife, the service centered around her love story with the President.
During the service we were shown dozens of photos of Nancy and Ronnie from their many years together. Their children and others remembered them always taking time to be with each other. Love letters were shared, gestures of devotion described. The photos showed many instances of them holding hands, embracing, kissing …. normal displays of intimacy and devotion …. and even in their later years they continued to show this physical affection. It’s sad we have so little knowledge of normal physical displays of love, faithfulness in marriage, but broadcast brief or tumultuous relationships in the lives of celebrities, The way Pres. Reagan treated Nancy was like a woman’s dream, she was one lucky lady!
One part of the service that broke me up inside was when someone described a visit with Nancy during the days following the President’s diagnosis of Alzheimers. He followed her down the hall to a room where there were photos, pillows that were dear to her. On one pillow in her room it said …… ‘If you decide to go, would you take me with you?’ In previous years I would have thought that was like a death wish to write that, but it’s almost the same anguished sentiment I developed after Marc left. In my deepest groaning I’ve muttered, ‘Marc, can’t you come back, I just want to be with you?’ An almost unbearable loss makes one say or wish seemingly insane things! You don’t wish to ‘die’, but the breaking of such a close bond can strain your heart and mind so you say things you don’t understand. I know there must be parents out there like me who’ve loved and lost, and said similar things.
If you live in So California like me at some point you meet dignitaries or stars. I attended Bel Air Presbyterian years ago and one Sunday, when Reagan was governor, the usher seated me next to him. I just remember how unpretentious he seemed, and how polite he was when he asked me in his ‘sheepish’ manner, ‘would you mind if I borrowed your pen?’ Thru the service he acted like a normal parishioner …. listening to the pastor, singing or giving a handshake at ‘sharing of the peace’. He wasn’t this man with a proud swagger, bent on making people know he was there. He seemed just a normal guy going to church, except that he had a security presence outside the church when he and Nancy had to leave.
I can see how the Reagan’s could be so close and have a long marriage …. they had a normal life! One focused on relationship to each other and to God. We are tempted to think that celebrities are the same in public as they are at home. But the life they lead in private is the most telling part of them we should know. The Reagan’s had a good balance between serving the public and keeping their private life personal and down to earth,
There’s a trend of ‘dis-trust’ of normal human relationships today. It’s painful to see, but normal life is still out there, God is seeing to it. Many people are living a down to earth life of love and service to others. I’m so grateful to God that I experienced such a genuine, balanced kind of love with my son Marc. He was able to maintain the personal and public side so evenly, honestly and so prove his faithfulness to those who knew him best! We still love and miss you Marc!
Together in life … inseparable in death!